Source: Jorge Luciano dos Santos/Pixabay
Think some of your family rituals and traditions are just plain silly? Well, sure—we might choose to dial up the hilarity (think ugly sweaters and meme ornaments) to bring the kind of levity we all need in our homes. But celebrating those same sentimental standards—and traditions that go much deeper—can also help us define what family means to us, pass on our values, and draw closer together.
Whether you are looking to start or continue holiday rituals or trying to fill your children’s memory banks, researchers suggest that “enacting a family ritual is more important than the specific form that the ritual takes.” Rituals are central to family life—be they attending religious services or ringing in the New Year with noisemakers.
According to three studies published in the Journal of the Association for Consumer Research, traditions improve holiday enjoyment “because they amplify family closeness and involvement in the experience.” That finding alone should give you permission to be quirky or traditional in your choices.
Source: Gaby Stein/Pixabay
Our family has Ralph in all his furry, stuffed animal glory. Ralph is a plush prize handed out at our family awards dinner at the end of our annual vacation.
But the buzz around him doesn’t stop there. Ralph—and all that surrounds this honor we created—is a topic of conversation year-round. He is part of our family lore and has, like other family rituals, incredible staying power. No doubt the children in our family will, as adults, adopt some form of the Ralph award.
It may be hard to predict what will catch on and be repeated. But there are commonalities to be found in the traditions we cherish and remember. “Our most treasured memories are likely experiences we shared with other people,” one study that examined memory retrieval found.
More is Better
No one knows exactly what will become a significant memory, but the more rituals, the better. Some become magical in a child’s mind. They’re expected and anticipated like Ralph. It could be running a local Turkey Trot or holding a Christmas tree trimming event with family members. Here are a few ideas to spark some new traditions in your family:
- Bake dog-friendly cupcakes and make a production of “serving” your canine companions.
- Wear paper party hats for the family holiday photo.
- Assemble gingerbread houses. Let the kids each do their own or collaborate on one elaborate gingerbread house as a family.
- With older children and adults, set aside time for a pie bake-off—or have them bring their own dessert creations to holiday festivities.
- Play touch football, tag, or other active games between the main meal and dessert.
- Put together a holiday puzzle, leaving it and any board games you’re playing out, so you can return to finish them later in the day or evening.
- Go ice skating, plan a family hike, or do another outdoor activity on a day when no major holiday activities are planned, but near enough to the festivities that it becomes its own annual family tradition.
- Repeat a simple, catchy holiday jingle or song that a child wrote or learned in pre-school or elementary school.
Instilling Family History and Values
Creating lasting family traditions can help us better understand our roots and draw us together. One way to do that is to pass on family recipes. This could be a favorite dish that a grandparent or another relative makes and maybe even brought with them from another region or country. In this way, you can spotlight a bit of your family history at the same time you honor grandparents, great-grandparents, and other ancestors or relatives.
Traditions—big and small—send messages about family values. You could, for example, donate unused toys and clothing, spending an hour or two with your children to gather items and deliver them to a local charity. Doing this once or twice a year with parents or as a family project sends a message of caring and serving others that children remember.
Whatever you decide to do, make it an intentional choice considering not only the act but the impact it will have on your child and the memories they hold on to.
Keeping Positive Memories Alive
Some rituals disappear for a while and reappear. One mother told me for holidays in her family that from the time she was 10 years old, she and her mother made a pumpkin pie every Thanksgiving for about 20 years, then stopped. It’s a memory she cherishes and one she wants to recreate, so she is restarting the tradition with her 4-year-old son this year.
Source: Adam Bartoszewicz/Unsplash
The effectiveness of rituals often lies in their repetition. My dad served blueberry pancakes on Christmas morning and then repeated it occasionally on weekend mornings throughout the year. Substituting strawberries for blueberries, my sibling continues the tradition into the next generation.
Not only personal experience but science proves such traditions have a lasting impact—and not just a sentimental one. Rituals have development benefits and strengthen bonds.
A group of researchers reviewed 32 studies published since 1950. They wanted to find out if “there was sufficient scientific evidence to suggest that family routines and rituals play a central role in family life and whether they can be considered a reasonable vehicle for promoting healthy families during the 21st century.”
They concluded that family rituals “related to parenting competence, child adjustment, and marital satisfaction.” Opting into holiday traditions generates greater feelings of happiness throughout the year for everyone in the family. It’s another reason to embrace your family rituals—and not be shy about creating new ones.
Copyright @2024 by Susan Newman