Recently, a parent asked me this question: “I gave my kid a cell phone without establishing rules first. It’s not going well. She is glued to her phone night and day. Is it too late to put rules in place?”
The good news is that it is not too late to implement new phone rules and a family tech agreement. Your child may push back against the rules, but that’s okay. As a parent, you are allowed to change your mind and add rules when you realize the current situation isn’t working.
Shifts like these teach kids the importance of incorporating new information into decision-making. We are all learning as we go, especially regarding technology and screen time. The following tips encourage family communication and help smooth the transition to new tech rules.
Tips For Implementing New Phone and Tech Rules
1. Find a Calm Moment to Start the Conversation
Avoid bringing up the topic of new rules when you and your child are arguing about their phone or tech use. Instead, choose a time when you both are relaxed. Start the conversation by calmly saying something like:
“I’ve been learning more about the impact of phones on the well-being of kids. Supporting your health and safety is one of my most important jobs as a mom. During dinner tonight, I’ll share what I’ve been learning, and we can talk about ways to support your health and safety.” This brief introduction and setting a later time to discuss the topic further help kids feel ready for the conversation.
2. Explain Reasons with an Emphasis on Health and Safety
When beginning the discussion about establishing tech and phone rules with your child, lead with the 3 Cs – Calm, Curious, and Connected. By remaining calm and curious about your kid’s experiences, your are more likely to foster a connection with your kids.
Remind your child that supporting their health and safety is one of your main jobs. Explain that you are learning more about the impact of screens and tech on kids and need to implement phone rules to support their health and safety. Share the latest research findings on kids and phones, such as:
- Impact of excessive screen time: Research indicates that excessive screen time negatively affects kids’ health, resulting in a lack of physical activity, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, and depression.
- Harms of social media: In 2023, the US Surgeon General warned that social media may be unsafe for kids. In addition to the harms of cyberbullying, research finds that social media may perpetuate body dissatisfaction, disordered eating behaviors, social comparison, and low self-esteem, especially among adolescent girls.
- Exposure to harmful content: With the entire internet at their fingertips and the lack of tech regulations in place to protect kids, it’s easy for kids to come across content that isn’t appropriate for their age, such as explicit and violent content.
Be prepared for pushback after sharing your concerns for their health and safety. Let them know their opinion is heard and their feelings are valid. Remain steadfast in establishing tech and phone rules that support their well-being.
3. Ask for Kids Input on Tech and Phone Rules
As you develop your family tech agreement and new rules, find opportunities for your child to give input. Ask them what they think are reasonable screen time limits. Work with them to establish screen-free times and locations in your home. You might be surprised by what they come up with.
To explore topics such as cyberbullying, misinformation, social media, stranger danger, and more, read along with your child, The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand. This fun, interactive book explores digital safety in a kid-friendly way.
Here are family tech agreement topics to discuss as a family:
- Screen time limits: Your child may need strict limits or a more flexible approach. At a minimum, limiting screens an hour before bed supports quality sleep. You may also want to implement screen-free times and device-free zones. Some phone rules may be no phones in bedrooms at night, or no devices during meals and until homework is finished.
- Behavior expectations: Be clear about the kind of behavior that’s acceptable and unacceptable online and include this in the family tech agreement. The anonymity of the internet can sometimes make kids feel more comfortable behaving in ways they wouldn’t normally, like making fun of others or posting harassing comments. Remind your child that what they share online exists forever. Talk to your child about stranger danger and why they shouldn’t share personal information with people they don’t know. If someone makes them feel uncomfortable, they need to come to you or another trusted adult.
- Supervision and privacy settings: Apple and Android phones have in-depth parental control features that allow parents to set limits around who can contact their child, what they can download, and how much time they spend on certain websites. For example, Apple Screen Time allows parents to prevent their kids from accessing explicit media, apps, and websites. Use these settings to add restrictions to your child’s devices for free. Parental monitoring apps are another way for parents to control what their kids do and see online.
- Finalize a Family Tech Agreement & Create Accountability
After establishing a family tech agreement and phone rules, create a plan for enforcement. You could post the agreement on a bulletin board where everyone can see it. Set up digital tools that monitor the agreed upon screentime limits. If parental controls and privacy settings are part of your plan, set them on your child’s devices. Lastly, set a time for daily, weekly, or monthly family digital check-ins to discuss how it’s going and to learn more about their online experiences.
In Summary – Setting Phone Rules for Kids
It’s never too late to implement tech or phone rules with your child. Helping kids develop safe and healthy tech habits is a foundational piece of parenting in today’s world. Keep the conversations ongoing and lead with the 3 Cs – calm, curious, and connected. Over time, as your child grows, your family tech rules will change. However, clear guidelines and expectations are an important place to start as kids become digital citizens and learn to navigate their online world.
About Jessica Speer
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book - Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School - Safety Goggles Advised.Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through the tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She has a Master's Degree in Social Sciences and a knack for writing about complex topics in ways that connect with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit www.JessicaSpeer.com