That’s my grandma and grandpa.
My grandmother died in 1998, exactly one week before my daughter, Chloe, was born. In fact, Chloe’s middle name is my grandmother’s name. My grandma (and grandpa) has had a profound impact on my life. When I was young, she would sit next to me at the piano while I plunked out notes. Gradually, the plunking turned to the playing of notes and I’m guessing it became a bit less uncomfortable to hear.
One time, I played from memory Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata at a recital. The first time I tried to play this song my dad called my grandma and then took the phone, with the super long cord, and held it up into the living room so she could hear. At this recital, about a third of the way in, I lost my way but didn’t stop. I just kept playing and improvising, I guess, until I remembered and then finished the song.
Everyone clapped.
When I sat down, my grandma whispered to me, “That’s the longest version of Moonlight Sonata that I’ve ever heard….” and then squeezed my hand and smiled.
She knew.
She always knew stuff about me that often I was unaware of. I loved her so deeply. In 1997 she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and it robbed us all of the woman who knew me. One of the things I regret the most in life is never seeing her in the care center after she was diagnosed. Oh, I have my excuses — I was pregnant and had a toddler and in school — but I knew my heart couldn’t handle seeing the shell of my Mozart and Beethoven loving grandma.
My parents tell me they’re grateful my last earthly memory is of her still somewhat remembering things.
Anyway, I’ve been on my book tour and I’ve told the story of my site, “Finding Joy” and how it got its name. I can remember mulling over options in 2006/7 and finally deciding on Finding Joy. It went through different taglines and even went through a phase when publicists just wanted it to be my name, but the name, it was right for my journey.
I went through hard stuff. Divorce, financial crisis, estrangement, single mom, people leaving me kind of stuff. And a whole bunch of good, too, mixed in. Well, one day, about a decade ago, I found a hymnal that my grandma had given me (little secret: I was a church organist for fifteen years. Yes, I can play notes with my feet.). And in this hymnal, my grandma, who was very good at dedicating books, wrote me a note. And at the end of the note, years after I decided on my site’s name, she wrote, “May you live a life finding joy.”
Finding Joy.
She wrote that to me in a hymnal when I was in seventh or eighth grade. Like I said, she just has always known me.
Well, fast forward again, to two days ago when I returned home from the first leg of my book tour for “Get Your Spark Back” – a tour where I would be introduced as the founder of “Finding Joy” because that’s part of me now. As I unpacked my bags, in the bottom of one bag, was that picture of my grandparents.
I have no idea how it got there.
None.
I sat in my closet and tears filled my eyes. Maybe this book will be a best seller, and maybe not. But, what I do know is that whatever happens with it is good and right and it will reach the people it needs to. That’s what my grandma always wanted for me — to live the life of finding joy.
The universe? Coincidence? Just a bizarre random thing?
How ever that picture ended up in that bag will remain unknown to me. But, the legacy of my grandma lives on and in some way, I’d like to believe I’m carrying her spark forward.
Living a life finding joy.
Wow. I didn’t expect to cry as much as I did writing this – but, friends, there are tears rolling down my face.
Be open and look for those markers in your life. They are there, waiting for you to find them.
~Rachel
#findingjoy
#getyoursparkbackbook
ps…I wrote about message markers in Chapter Four – Looking Back to Look Forward.
pss….my beautiful grandma never liked having her picture taken and would duck out of pictures often. I wish I had more pictures of her, truly. And because of that, I get in the picture so my kids have those pictures of me. Even if I don’t like the picture, etc…. I read somewhere online (not sure who said it) that you can’t capture sunsets glory in a photograph so why do we expect a photograph to catch our own….such truth.
You can purchase your copy of “Get Your Spark Back” HERE