To help you overcome this difficult phase, we talked to Parenting Expert, Priyanka Joshi, who has supported 1000+ teens and families through her coaching. Read on to get expert tips and insight on raising teenagers effectively while building a strong bond with them.Priyanka, you are a Teens and Preteens coach, what
inspired you to become one, and for how many years have you been in this field?
I have been a Success Coach for 10 Years and started my work with
Teens around 5 years back.
I grew up with a lot of complexes around my academic abilities. It
was not because I wasn’t capable of doing well, but the way our teachers made
us feel. When I became a life coach I understood the importance of emotions and
mindset. I understood how people around a child have a major role to play in
shaping his or her personality. This knowledge inspired me to empower kids and
parents to redefine parenting, so that kids grow in an environment that brings
out the best in them, not an environment that focuses on their shortcomings
and weaknesses.
Teenagers and Positive Body Image
Nowadays, kids are so conscious about looking in a certain
way. What are your tips to create a positive body image among teens?
Teenagers do get conscious about looks. It’s part of growing up.
But we must not allow that to become a part of who they are:
Find what you value.
We as parents and uncles and aunts must help them see what’s
inside. We must have more and more conversations about the qualities and
personality traits. Observe how much we value external appearance and the kind
of conversations we are having with our friends. Children pick a lot of stuff
from our conduct, behavior, and our conversations with others.
Get to know them very well
One way of building a positive body image is to appreciate their
positive personality traits. Get to know them really well, their thoughts,
their feelings. This will help you admire their unique personalities and
talents. When you know them very well, it will be easy to genuinely appreciate
them for who they are. You cannot fake an appreciation because that will break
their trust in you. More than words, it’s the feelings that get communicated in
a parent-child relationship.
Be aware of their social media consumptionMonitor social media exposure of your kids.
Be aware of the content they are consuming on social media. Have
conversations around the kind of content they are watching and the opinions
they are forming about the content. This will help you know if they are heading
in the wrong direction. Help them choose content that is interesting as well as
informative.
Listen to them with every cell of your body
Listen to them, give them your undivided attention when they are
talking. This part is not easy for parents, because we always have something to
tell our child. But listening is where all the change begins.
We cannot change the environment, but we can change the way we
parent and connect. As parents, we should be the first ones to make our children feel heard, valued, and seen.
When we value their qualities, skills, and talent and love
them for who they are, they will develop a positive body image.
Disconnect Between Teens and Parents’ Relationship The gap between parents and teens is growing.Often kids feel disconnected from parents in their teen years.
What do you think are the main issues that kids feel disconnected from
their parents? Also, suggest some parenting tips to reduce the
communication gap between parents and teens.
Understand a Teenager’s mind
Children start developing an independent mindset from the age of
10 or 11. It may vary by a year or two. With every passing year, they want more
control over their lives. The struggle starts when parents cannot allow
control because they are worried about the safety of their children. By the time
a child hits teens, there are hormonal changes, that are playing havoc with
their bodies and minds. There are a lot of new things happening in their outer
and inner world. There are times they are ashamed or they are confused about
these changes. This is also a time when they are reminded that they are not
kids anymore and that they need to start acting like one. Parents love to give
instructions and children hate lectures.
Take a balanced approach
Start this approach early, Give your child control whenever
possible. In low-risk situations, e.g.: what color to paint the room, the kind
of clothes they want to wear, so you can be in control in high-risk situations
e.g.: when to ride a bike, staying out with friends, etc.
You can also involve them in making decisions when choosing a
holiday destination or what to order for dinner etc.. Make them feel like have
control wherever you can. They might not make the best decisions all the time
but they learn. It’s always better to mess up when you have their backs rather
than later.
Open communication and conversation are the keys to raising a calm
and peaceful teenager. Identify a time of the day, when you sit together as a
family to watch an old album or play a game that does not involve a
device.
Learn Emotion Regulation Techniques
Teen years come with anger and aggression issues. Handling
aggression with anger and aggression can cause a teenager to become an
aggressive adult. We need to be the calm to their storm, so they learn to
manage difficult emotions from us. Most parents allow their ego to take over
and yell back or try to control a teenager’s behavior.
Parents need to be calm and supportive and not be lecturing and
nagging. Lecturing and nagging never get the message across but it can cause a
teenager to become more aggressive and disconnect.Practicing mindfulness with kids.Additionally, parents can introduce a culture of mindfulness practices in their
families even before the child hits teens. Mindfulness practices help activate the part of the brain that
helps solve issues calmly.
Screen Time and Growing KidsI am sure it’s a common issue that every parent is looking for
a solution- how to reduce the screen time of preteens and teens effectively?
There are two aspects to this- A) Establishing boundaries B)
Encouraging the child to respect those boundaries.
1.
If a child’s screen time is very high, bring it down little by
little. A drastic change will not be received well.
2.
After watching a lot of high-frequency video content, their brain loses the power to make the right decisions. Don’t have the conversation around boundaries when your child has
already watched a lot of media.
3.
It should be a time when everyone is calm and open to a
discussion. Identify a weekend when everyone is relaxed and open.
4. Moreover, teens listen to their friends more than their parents. Look for
ways to become their friends. Playing a game or watching their favorite videos
with them is one way.
5.
Have conversations about the damaging impact of high screen time.
Have conversations about the addictive nature of devices. Ask them for a window
when they would like to be on devices. Inform them about the times they will not be
allowed devices before and after these hours and be firm about it. Teenagers and Mental Health Issues
5. Nowadays, more and more teenagers are facing mental health
issues such as depression. As parents, how can we address the issue and ensure
a positive mindset for our kids?
More teenagers are dealing with mental health issues.
Quite many factors contribute to mental health issues in children such as
1) Home environment where children don’t feel heard and
valued
2) Children absorb the energy and vibrations from their
environment. If parents are stressed and unhappy, children will subconsciously
catch it. A small amount of stress is not a concern, but when it becomes chronic,
it can start to take the shape of depression and anxiety
3) Social Media also has a role to play. Content that a child is
watching numbs the brain and it’s causing them to reduce other activities
that require physical and mental effort. Physical movement and exercise release
happy hormones. It helps in both mental and physical wellness.
4) Extreme bullying by peers and teachers can also contribute to
mental health issues.
Practices to Foster Emotional Well-being of Teenagers
Magic is in the simple and small things of life. I highly encourage
parents to make family time a regular practice at home. Identify
a time in the day or week, where everyone talks about the day and experiences
throughout the day.. Make it a no-device hour or 30 mins. Create a space where
children can share both unpleasant, anxiety-causing experiences and happy
joyful ones as well. Keep it light and open, so the kids feel free
to share their emotions. In addition, keep in mind the three elements of this practice to
make it work.
Undivided attentionGive undivided attention to
the child when they are sharing their experience. Show interest and do not try to hurry up while they are pouring their emotions.Empathize with your child.
EmpathizeShow that you understand and value how they
feel? For example, you can say, “I am so sorry that you had to face that.”
AcknowledgeAcknowledge their experience. For example- “That
must have felt terrible. How do you feel about it now?”
If your child comes to you with a problem any other time
of the day, give them your complete attention and empathize. No matter how
small the problem sounds to you, in their world, it can be a big issue. Listen
and respond to them, like how you would respond to your spouse or a
friend. Subsequently, they will learn to value the feelings of others when their feelings are
valued.
Mindfulness Parenting
Always have a mindfulness practice to start and end your day. Also
helping children practice mindfulness in fun ways can be quite a game-changer. These practices have helped me in my parenting journey and many
clients that I have worked with in the last decade.
Let them know “you have their back”
Don’t assume, say it. Tell your child that they can always come
and talk to you when they feel stressed, bullied, or sad. We assume that our
kids know this, but they don’t.
Learn and teach Emotional Awareness
Teaching kids to understand emotions and process them is very
important. Our school systems and society pay zero attention to
emotions and their role in success and happiness. If parents will not
take ownership to become emotionally literate and pass it on to their
children, then the road ahead for the child can be pretty rocky. These
practices will not only allow a child to develop healthy relationships with
emotions but also help keep mental health issues at bay.
Conclusion
We must also have conversations with our kids about how we can strengthen and
deepen our bond with them. Author of Inspirational parenting, Alex Urbina who
shares an amazing bond with his daughter, asks her how he can deepen the bond
they share. He says” It has done wonders for the relationship. Our endeavor
should always be to meet our children’s emotional needs so well that they don’t
have to go out seeking validation.” She
has empowered more than 1000 Teens and families through her 1:1 and workshops
and webinars. Her signature programs include CAP methodology of Parenting (4
weeks), and Mindful Scholar (6 months course for Tweens & Teens).