“The reality is that, while Maria is clearly a cognitively bright young lady, she wouldn’t necessarily be considered gifted in any particular area.”
“In talking with Maria, it is clear that her family and instructors have historically viewed her as being intellectually quite bright and an underachiever.”
These are not a passive-aggressive bully’s words, a sibling’s backhanded compliment, or careless remarks delivered at a parent-teacher conference. These are the very deliberate words of a neurologist, neuropsychologist, and medical-education specialist following my ADHD evaluation in childhood. The intended audience: my parents, my family physician, and my teachers.
The clinic’s problematic “assessment” and cruel words still haunt me years later. I didn’t read their words until I was in my 40s, and I finally understood why I had a decades-long habit of telling people I have no special talents. The specialists stated in scientific terms that I, a child, was a talentless loser. My parents and my family physician believed them without question. What could my parents have done differently?
[Take This Self-Test: ADHD Symptoms in Women and Girls]
Set in Their Ways
Despite education and experience, we know that experts make mistakes all the time. It’s why we frequently seek second medical opinions. My parents certainly needed one when the politely insulting report described my problems as “common” with ADHD, but the tone of the recommendations was “do better.” A second opinion would have offered my parents another analysis of my behaviors. Most importantly, I could have had a chance at a better life.
But my parents – education experts – were inclined to go along with what the evaluators said, as they shared similar vocational backgrounds. Though my mother still harbored some suspicions that I had ADHD, she and my father ultimately assumed that I was failing my classes on purpose. They made sure to share their theories about my behaviors with my teachers, who were more inclined to default to their opinions rather than their own judgment about my classroom behavior they saw every day.
What I Cannot Forgive
I can forgive science not catching up in time. (After all, it’s been more than 30 years since that evaluation and we’re still working to better understand ADHD in girls.) What I cannot forgive is my parents and the clinic for the cruelty, sexism, and failure to recognize the fact that I didn’t want to do poorly. In any setting, telling someone they do not have any special talents or that they’re an underachiever is an appalling insult.
[Read: “11 Things I’d Tell My Younger Self”]
The rest of the report would eventually prove hilariously inaccurate. “During the evaluation Maria did not demonstrate many of the learning deficits often observed in adolescents with a primary attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,” reads part of the report. Thirty-one years later, I received my ADHD diagnosis at age 44.
Ironically, the experts who wrote the report that detailed my carelessness and sloppiness also committed typographical, punctuation, and grammatical errors along with listing my incorrect home address on every page and misspelling my last name. Perhaps they were gifted in other areas? Unfortunately, those doctors didn’t provide their full names in the “scientific” report they authored, so I was never able to track them down to find out. What a relief for them.
Undiagnosed ADD: Next Steps
Maria Reppas lives with her family on the East Coast. Visit her on X and at mariareppas.com.
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